Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Well as some readers may be aware i was considering doing my skippers exams.

Well after much thinking i decided to do the application forms and send them off to HR.

A bit of checking and it was decided that yeah they have authorized the application and i should get some exam papers sent to me to register for the exam next year.

Part of the reason for this is the fact i have 5 years to complete the workplace based assessments. Part 1 is the exam and to become a substantive sgt you have to be assessed over the course of a year (Pt2).

Also if i pass Pt1 then i can be an acting skipper with all the rights and privileges without doing pt 2.

Part of the reason for doing the paperwork is the support i have had from a few people who out of the blue came up to me saying "are you doing your Pt1 because you would be a good skipper" my own skipper has been hinting at me to apply which has been good and give me confidence in doing it.

Downside is i don't want to be a full skipper just yet as i don't really want to be stuck behind a desk. As you know my goal lies with being a traffic officer, but this will hopefully assist in strengthening my application in the future.

I also re read my failed paper application the other day and looked at the feed back. If you recall at the time i was a but peeved at being rejected but the comments from the Chief were quite good really, stating that i was a strong applicant with a good application but he felt i needed more experience on shift before going forward. This all in all has made me feel better about the whole thing and hopefully my career may be going somewhere rather than dealing with crap day in day out. I still have a great deal of fun on shift and don't want to leave but i guess unless you keep trying you ll stay where you are and never get anywhere.

Also i have had some good feedback as i am becoming known to RPD for some of the stuff i do. But you are only as good as your last job and for all the good stuff you do, people only remember the bad things!

But i guess the moral of this is, if you want something bad enough then keep trying and plugging away.

This job has its bad sides, but it also has its great sides, best job in the world and all that. Besides it gives you the best stories to tell people over a beer.

And also make a difference to peoples lives in a way no matter how small.

I caught a burglar!

Yep for the second time in my career i managed to catch a burglar.

Quite a good one really as when we got to the scene, a member of the public (MOP) shouted to us. "Hes over there" i promptly jump from the panda and give chase as hes running with stolen property under his arms down the busy high street.

I scream at him to stop as he runs past other MOP's but he just carries on (there's a surprise!)

He ditches some of the property but is still making off as MOP's just stand at watch him run past while i give chase.

I thought to myself.

I'm never gonna catch him in all this kit but surprisingly to me i am gaining on him. We go around a few corners and i still have sight of him closing the distance and he lobs the last of the stolen property in my direction, now i am closing quite quickly and im not out of breath.

One of the things i have thought about is "what do you do when you catch someone who's running away" i mean, do you rugby tackle them, baton there legs, push them over, grab an arm and do a "take down".

Its not something i have ever really done to be honest until recently at other jobs where i have been more hands on than i would have been 6 months ago.

Well crunch time, i am in range of him and i just jump on him and we both hit the deck, well he hit head first and i landed on him, gripped his arms up and a colleague came and assisted in restraining him.

Cool i thought.

By this time i saw behind me a number of MOP's standing watching and laughing. Matey boy was cuffed and nicked and taken away. I walk back to the scene to what surprised me the most. A few people clapped and someone came out of a shop asking if i wanted free drinks as he had seen what i did and had watched from the start.

Made me smile somewhat i can tell you.

Now back to the hands on thing.

I in the past have been a bit wary of going straight hands on with no control as we are trained to control people. A lot of times we have no control and getting that control is quite hard compared to training.

I think a lot of policing is down to confidence. In the past year or so i have grown, not only in confidence but in size as well (no not the doughnuts) which i think has helped somewhat.

I have commented in the nick about the new kids that join up and do all the training and are afraid to go hands on or use their tools because of the way we are trained. It takes ages to retrain them from this and get them to go hands on when necessary.

In my view we need to be able to be many people.

We need to be kind, caring and considerate to victims of crime and the the police "service"

But in a split second we need to be forceful and to a degree agressive when dealing with suspects and become a "force".

It takes a lot of juggling to become a balance of the 2 and sometimes we can be aggressive when it is not appropriate and other times to considerate on the flip side.

When you learn the balance then the job becomes enjoyable. As a lot of us are taken the piss out of by suspects or "youths" when giving us lip when we need to be more robust in our response.

But there is also a fine line between aggression and assault.

And public perception is everything. A push in the chest can look from a distance a punch in the throat.

Old people

Since a lot of my posts recently have been a bit downbeat, i feel the need to post some good stuff that has happened over the past few weeks or so. Mainly because we haven't had a great deal of good jobs to be honest. Some of them are not that funny but its the public responses or those of the suspect that made me chuckle the most.

A while ago my crew was deployed to an immediate graded call of "cows walking in the road" well we weren't deployed as such, we took the call as 1) it was immediate graded and 2) there would be no paperwork. We make with the lights and noise going through traffic as it was daytime, we get to a section of road which is duel carriageway. Its all looking good as both our lanes are clear but the opposing carriageway is quite slow moving as there is traffic queueing for a roundabout. I see in the distance an elderly lady on the pavement, she looks like she is going to cross the road (which is still duel carrageway). I think, nah she cant be and then lo and behold out she steps into the road and begins to walk slowly across the duel carrageway. I change tones and she looks straight at us (im slowing down at this point) she continues to walk into the middle of the 2 lanes on our side so i change to the third tones, she then stops in the middle of the outer lane waving her walking stick at us shouting at us to slow down (im going quite slowly now) she stands there wildly gesticulating at us as we are watching her in disbelief. We go past her and then pick back up the speed again and i still see her in my rear view mirror swearing away at us. I chuckle to myself thinking she must be mad as we approach the pedestrian crossing which was a hundred meters or so away from where she was crossing.

This happens fairly frequently, you know the elderly people assume we are always traveling too fast and stand there shaking there heads when we have all the kit on. Once someone complained we were making too much noise with our sirens in such a quiet area!

It is quite funny sometimes doing immediate drives and the looks we get from the public and other drivers, some seem to want to block our paths and don't move out of the way but amble quite nicely in the road. Its no great issue and ill get past them eventually usually with daggered looks at us from the other drivers who seem greatly inconvenienced by us trying to get past. Again this is usually elderly drivers or pedestrians, who's day i am ruining by making on immediate, spoiling the quiet time in there little worlds. All you can do is chuckle really or you would go mad.

One job i went to was a burglary in progress at an elderly ladies home. The job came in as "caller can hear voices and shouting from her spare bedroom" so we turn up literally a few moments after the call came in and we walk into the house. The lady greats us at the door and says she can still hear the voices in her spare room. We go in and check the room with no signs of entry or any persons. I can hear a radio on in the front room quite loudly which was a bbc world type program about china and protests.

She says to me, can you hear, they are still shouting, there are quite a lot of them.

I ask her "are you sure that's not just your radio?" she replied no, i turned it off a while ago.

The radio is positioned hear to the adjoining wall between the front room and bedroom.

So i turned it off and asked if she can still hear the shouting. She says they have now gone.

I end up concocting a story to make her feel less embarrassed about it being the radio and reassure her that we are in the area and to call us if she hears from them again. For some reason she felt quite intimidated by the noises and part of my job as social worker / carer is to reassure her that there is nothing to worry about and we are on all night and will keep an eye on the area for her.

She was quite happy as she felt she was taken seriously. I went and got some food.

In a way i feel quite sorry that elderly people who need better care are left to there own devices with little or no company. Not the way i would want to be treated at all.

I have dealt with other types of people who have been left to it who have later died becasue of the neglect from social services who after me speaking tot hem say, oh yes we are aware thankyou. Sorry i dont want you to be aware, i want you to provide a level of care to these people who need your help!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Pay award - Now with Conditions!

In the never ending farse that our fight for a pay increase this year, John Reid has announced that there will be a review into the way our pay increase is determined.

No doubt this will be another way of reducing the cost to the government of policing and trying to get "Policing on the Cheap".

The Minister for Policing, Security and Community Safety (Mr Tony McNulty): On 6 November the Police Arbitration Tribunal’s recommendation on the police officer 2006 pay award was received.
The Home Secretary responded to this recommendation, agreeing to implement the 3 per cent pay rise for police officers with effect from 1 September 2006. The Home Secretary also noted the tribunal’s comment that we not only had “the right but a duty to consider and put forward different factors and approaches which could be applied in determining police pay” and said that he would be reviewing the way police pay is determined including indexation and would announce the terms of reference of the review shortly Effective pay arrangements for police officers are essential for a modern police service which delivers high standards of community safety and security to the public. We must move quickly to put police officer pay on a sustainable basis. We cannot continue with arrangements which produce pay rises beyond the level which police authorities can afford to pay without detriment to service delivery. For that reason, we will establish a review of the way police pay is determined, reporting early in the New Year and in good time to inform the 2007 pay round. Following this I will also be asking this review to consider further changes to the police pay negotiating machinery. In particular, I am minded to place responsibility for determining chief officer pay within the remit of the Senior Salaries Review body and the review I have announced will look at this as part of its consideration of the options for replacing the current police officer pay determination arrangements.
I have asked Sir Clive Booth to undertake the first part of this review and I am pleased to announce that he has accepted. Sir Clive will report to me in early 2007 with recommendations on the pay determination mechanism that we should use for next year. This along with any other proposals for pay modernisation from the Service or representative organisations will be considered in the 2007 pay round. The Home Secretary and I will consider further how the second part of the review looking at the police negotiating machinery should be take forward including consideration of John Randall’s report on this issue.
The terms of reference for the review are:
Part 1) To consider the options for replacing the current arrangements for determining changes to police officer pay for 2007 and make recommendations on this. The conclusions and recommendations in part 1 to be framed so as to inform part 2 of the review
Part 2) To review the effectiveness of the negotiating machinery for the police, including the Police Negotiating Board and the Police Staff Council, and make recommendations for how police pay and other conditions of service should be determined. The review must consider the option of a pay review body for police pay and consider the impact of any proposal for determining police officer pay, on the negotiating machinery for police officers
Both parts of the review must take account of the need for arrangements to reflect and support the following:
• The future requirements of the service for the effective and efficient delivery of policing services, motivation and morale and recruitment and retention rates, and overall affordability
• Government policy on public sector pay and the broader economic and employment context, and consistency with the achievement of the inflation target of 2 per cent
• The need to enable wider police workforce developments including proper reward and recognition arrangements
• Arrangements for pay determination in other parts of the public sector
Part 1 should report no later than February 2007, and Part 2 in the autumn of 2007
I have asked Sir Clive Booth to undertake the first part of this review and I am pleased to announce that he has accepted. Sir Clive will report to me in early 2007 with recommendations on the pay determination mechanism that we should use for next year. This along with any other proposals for pay modernisation from the Service or representative organisations will be considered in the 2007 pay round. The Home Secretary and I will consider further how the second part of the review looking at the police negotiating machinery should be take forward including consideration of John Randall’s report on this issue.
The terms of reference for the review are:
Part 1) To consider the options for replacing the current arrangements for determining changes to police officer pay for 2007 and make recommendations on this. The conclusions and recommendations in part 1 to be framed so as to inform part 2 of the review
Part 2) To review the effectiveness of the negotiating machinery for the police, including the Police Negotiating Board and the Police Staff Council, and make recommendations for how police pay and other conditions of service should be determined. The review must consider the option of a pay review body for police pay and consider the impact of any proposal for determining police officer pay, on the negotiating machinery for police officers
Both parts of the review must take account of the need for arrangements to reflect and support the following:
• The future requirements of the service for the effective and efficient delivery of policing services, motivation and morale and recruitment and retention rates, and overall affordability
• Government policy on public sector pay and the broader economic and employment context, and consistency with the achievement of the inflation target of 2 per cent
• The need to enable wider police workforce developments including proper reward and recognition arrangements
• Arrangements for pay determination in other parts of the public sector

Part 1 should report no later than February 2007, and Part 2 in the autumn of 2007

Police Federation Response:
Following the statement this morning by Police Minister, Tony McNulty, regarding the review of police pay arrangements Jan Berry, Chairman of the Police Federation of England and Wales, says:
" We are bitterly disappointed that despite assurances from the Police Minister that we would be consulted on the terms of reference of this review, we received them the same time as everyone else.
" Given the conclusions of the independent Police Arbitration Tribunal, the pay arrangements review must recognise the special role that police officers play, the dangers they face and the unique restrictions on their private lives. It must also take account of the operational realities of policing.
" Any review where the conclusions are written before the ink is dry on the terms of reference will not win the confidence of police officers".

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Pay Result Press Release

6th November 2006

Police associations join forces to welcome pay crisis arbitration decision.

Welcoming the decision of the independent Police Arbitration Tribunal and speaking for all the police officer staff associations of the UK, Jan Berry, chairman of the Staff Side of the Police Negotiating Board (PNB), says:

"This decision is welcomed by 170,000 police officers throughout the United Kingdom who should have received an increase from 1st September but have been waiting for their pay arrangement to be honoured.

"It is disappointing that this had to go to arbitration but the arbiters’ independent decision reaffirms what we have been saying all along – that the Official Side of the PNB acted unfairly and unjustly by reneging on their commitment to honour our current pay arrangement until it has been renegotiated."

The independent decision of the Police Arbitration Tribunal is binding on both the Official Side and Staff Side of the Police Negotiation Board, and is now passed to the Home Secretary, John Reid, for ratification.

Calling upon the Home Secretary, Mrs Berry says:

"You know the strength of feeling amongst police officers across the UK, who have felt cheated, angry and undervalued throughout this dispute. The independent arbitration tribunal has now delivered its decision and found in our favour. The matter now rests with you Mr Reid. Only you can put this right. Show your support for the police service; honour our pay agreement and pay the 3 per cent now."
Further information:
Police Federation of England and Wales press office, 020 8335 1071

Thursday, November 02, 2006

3% Is it really enough?

It has been a while since my last update, partly because i have been busy dealing with the poorest of jobs which in an ideal world would not be attended, trying to regain control of certain areas where the "youths" have taken a liking too and getting rammed.

I find it quite hard to believe what people deem to be acceptable anymore. When i was a kid and a police officer spoke to me i was polite to him as he was to me if they asked me to move on i would have done, no questions. Now all we seem to get is abuse from them along with a load of backchat which no matter how hard you try will always get your back up. Now imagine what the parents are like. Their little darlings are wreaking havoc and we get it in the neck because "he's only having fun".

Yeah at someone else's expense literally.

Every evening its the same, if I'm not getting grief from little johnny, I'm getting grief from his mum or dad for moving him on, or speaking to him about an offence that has occurred a minute ago around the corner from him.

I am apparently victimising him.

Nothing to do with him being as guilty as sin.

Anti Social behaviour does piss me off, there is no need for some of the behaviour some of the 10 - 17 year olds display, no respect for people or property and the parents are just as bad, no discipline, no consequences for their actions. As its just Kids having fun.

Personally they can do what they like provided they arnt upsetting local residents, im not there to spoil the fun, im there to ensure the local residents can enjoy their peace and quiet.

The parents join in and if thats the kind of attitude that the parents display towards police is it any wonder the kids are just Mini Mee's

So to the title of my post.

3% pay rise that has not been honoured by government, i have kept quiet on this issue for a while but the increasing demands on my and my personal life from the job is getting unbearable. We have massive commitments throughout the force meaning all overtime is cancelled because we are skint, and we are unable to take leave because we have run out of police officers. Duties are changing patterns to keep shifts at minimum manning as well as resourcing other commitments.

This means i am run ragged, most rest days are not honoured. When i attend court i don't get wound back off nights because they will be under staffed on shift. I'm more and more knackered.

I have less time off.
More work due to less numbers on shift.
More and more is being asked of me and my shift which we cannot fulfill safely.
Officer safety is at risk due to tiredness and low staffing levels.
Its only a matter of time before someone gets hurt or worse because of what the powers that be are doing to us.

But strangely, i still really do enjoy my job. Must be a warped sense of humour or more likely, i like being the underdog and come out fighting!

Just gimme my 3% please I've worked hard enough for it this year as well has the majority of officers that i know.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Well, what a crap month it's been for policing in general.

I don't know about anyone else out there but every job i have attended has been shite. Even public order stuff has been on the slow side with no real incidents of disorder.

I have a docket full of crap jobs i can't get rid of, why....
Well part of the problem is we don't have enough officers on shift to be able deal with the incoming work so we have to drop our own enquiries so we can attend the incoming jobs on the system.

This leads to our own jobs getting smellier and smellier as we cant progress them, we then have to extend bail to enable us to get the enquiries done!

The other part is the whole management thing at the moment. We are still under pressure to hit targets which we are all failing badly at right now, again this is down to the low shift numbers, being unable to redeploy to jobs as we are stuck with a non starter generating paperwork and a general moral draining set of circumstances.

To top it all off out duties department have refused all leave we are applying for and say "sorry but you cant carry it all over" Oh but we require you to work on your rest days to cover other low staffed shifts.

There is no time to relax from work, let alone see families at the moment due to the long hours and frequent recalls to duty.

It's a no win situation at the moment, hence why i haven't posted for a while.

But on a lighter note, a funny thing happened to me the other day (well was funny to me)

We went to a fear for welfare type job at an elderly residents house.

No answer at the door so off i wander to find an open window so i can climb in, Aha, an open window.

Check that its still part of the same house and yeah, looks bout right.

So in i climb and go to the front door to let me colleagues into the house.

I open the front door and get a funny look from the other officers, i look around and see that they are banging on next doors house.

Shit, as i slyly close the front door hoping no one saw me, i had climbed into the next doors house and opened their front door.

Cue lots of laughing and piss taking.

That was actually quite funny and really made my shift, its times when the silliest of things happen that make you laugh and enjoy the job.

I was also thinking bout doing my sgts exams, hmmm £10k pay rise for me if i become a skipper, but will it take me too far from what i do actually love doing??

Answers on a post card, or alternatively the comments box!

Cheers all,


Monday, August 14, 2006

A Poem

When i was at Ryton doing my training in the last week of my course, my Tutor gave us all a A4 sized piece of paper titled "When God Made Police Officers".

I have been sat here trying to explain to someone what its like being a member of my shift which got me thinking about the poem again. I managed to find an American version which is similar to the British one:

When the Lord was creating Police Officers, He was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said,"You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the requirements on this order?
A Police Officer has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle their uniform."
"They have to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day."
"They have to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals, and they have to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands . . . no way!!"
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord,
"it's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded.
"One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before they ask, 'May I see what's in there, sir?'"(when they already know and wish they'd taken that accounting job) "Another pair here in the side of their head for their partner's safety, and another pair of eyes here in front so they can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, 'You'll be alright, ma'am,' when they know it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Police Officer very slowly. "Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet," said the Lord, "it can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes, recite Miranda warnings in its sleep, detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop . . . and still it keeps its sense of humor.
This officer also has phenomenal personal control. They can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Police Officer.
"There's a leak," she pronounced, "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."
"You're a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber.
"I didn't put it there," He said

Thursday, August 03, 2006

An Idea

A while back i was crewed with another guy off shift and we got to talking about specialist roles.

At the moment if you want to specialize you need to transfer off core shift and into a specialist department.

Now i actually quite enjoy core shift work where i have many roles ranging from emergency response to social services to traffic warden.

I would like to specialize in Roads Policing (Yawn i hear you cry, he's mentioned this hundreds of times) I have applied and been rejected, but i will reapply.

Now my crew mate wants to join Tac Firearms or ARV as they are more commonly known. This again will involve him leaving shift.

So we were discussing this and came up with a solution which may actually make sense.

We decided that core shift was the dumping ground for the force (crap rolls downhill) and experience is a big issue, i mean I'm the most experienced on shift at the moment and i have just under 3 years in.

What we would like to see is a multi role core shift where there is a class 1 driver in a fast response vehicle or maybe 2 which could deal with core shift responsibilities and also deal with traffic related incident, thus keeping experience on shift and enabling officers to learn from each other.

Also we would like to see AFO's on shift so that should there be a spontaneous incident they can be authorized to arm and deal in the immediate instance until more armed support arrives, thus avoiding issues of waiting 30mins for ARV to arrive from miles away. Again experience retained on shift with that little bit extra.

We even thought that maybe a couple of CID trained officers on shift to assist where there is serious incidents to enable proper planning and interviewing skill to be utilised.

This would mean core shift would suddenly have masses of tactical options available 24hrs a day 7 days a week. We would have experienced and well rounded officers on shift who can pass there knowledge to others. Rather than being detached from shift for a few months on attachment.

Just imagine a fully staffed reactive shift with firearms / pursuit / traffic / CID capabilities and each officer able to learn about all these areas. Who would want to leave shift unless they wanted to become dedicated AFO, Traffic or CID. It could even be a stepping stone to these areas thus reducing the drain on resources and keeping core shift at the top of its game with the best mix of abilities and knowledge and each officer knowing what is required from different departments!

Am i dreaming or is this a good idea?


PC Copperfield's Book

I have just seen on PC Copperfield's blog that he has managed to get a book deal.

It's not been released yet but you can pre-order here:


Should be a good read and look forward to getting my copy, especially if its anything like his blog.



Sorry, seems to have been a fault somewhere along the blogging lines where my blog was not being displayed.

All seems sorted now and normal service will be resumed.


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Metpol Ban Blogging

I have just read from here http://worldwearydetective.blogspot.com/ (i know im a few months behind the times, its only just been drawn to my attention) that he is hanging up his blogging due to pressures from the powers that be. Its a shame that the views of the underlings are suppressed to keep the public from knowing what we do and how we feel about the job. We don't give any secrets away, we don't name and shame nor do we give any intelligence away. We just comment on our lives as police officers and the effects on us.

I get the impression from reading various websites that the general public like to know what its like on the inside of the secret society known as the police and shows we are not just robots handing out tickets and not arresting anyone.

We show how we are restrained at times, but encouraged at others and we all try to do the best we can with the tools we have been given and that its not actually always our fault, but the fault of the courts, and the senior management team and the government.

I quote from His blog:-

On Friday 3rd March 2006, the Management Board of the Metropolitan Police Service issued the following statement to all members of staff:

'Recently the organisation has become aware of a series of web-logs or blogs - where authors - claiming to be police officers - have offered their views on a number of issues in a highly personalised, often controversial manner.'

This statement is followed by 'guidance' on writing blogs. In summary, this states that although 'blogging' cannot be stopped, the 'impact of expressing views and opinions that are damaging to the organisation or bring the organisation into disrepute' must be considered. Disciplinary proceedings may be considered against posters of material that may be (among other things) defamatory, offensive or otherwise inappropriate.

I have committed no crime. I have compromised no police operations. I have received no payment for anything published on this blog. All opinions expressed are my own.

It is therefore with deep regret and great sadness that I must announce that I will no longer be submitting posts to this blog. I cannot challenge New Scotland Yard. I am weary indeed and cowardice is my bedmate. The protection of my family must take precedence.

To each and every one of you - take note of what has happened here and be afraid.

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever. - George Orwell.

Best of luck out there, stay safe.


Friday, July 14, 2006


When you first go to join the Police you are told that there are many opportunities to join other departments and move around the Police. In reality the options are very limited as i am finding out.

Some of you may recall i applied for Roads Policing a few months ago and i was paper sifted out the reason being "length of service". To be honest i didn't expect to get in but at the least i would have liked to be able to board for the position (boarding is a form of job interview) and given the reasons i couldn't quite understand how i didn't get a board.

A few things came to light recently.

The current big thing in the police is neighbourhood policing, this is where we work with partner agencies closely and provide a more personal approach to the members of the public. This requires more neighbourhood policing officers (they used to be called area beat officers of ABO's)

The second big thing is Priority Crime Team, this is a unit setup to tackle the forces priority crimes such as vehicle crime, drugs etc and is a sub department of CID.

What i have noticed is that people on shift are going to these departments on attachments of 3 - 6 months with no application and no boarding, and after the attachment is up you can stay if you like. Fair play to the people who wish to work in those areas and best of luck to them but what annoys me is that these people are now specialising in areas where they have less service than me.

So the logical step would be to ask for a traffic attachment.

Well "I'm sorry but we do not have sufficient number on shift to release you" so please explain to me how a week ago we could afford to loose one to ABO's and now in 2 weeks we loose a second person to PCT.

So roads policing isn't an area priority, no great surprises there. But another factor is that RPD is a force roamer role and not dedicated to one police area so they aren't really that bothered.

Its a pain in the backside for me especially where i keep getting asked to join other local departments as it would "Benefit my career" but cant even board to join the department i want to join. I would go to another department if it actually interested me and would help my application but sadly the roles such as PCT or ABO would not benefit me one bit so sorry...

One thing i did decide though is ill keep plugging in the applications every 6 months or so until i get in.

As frustrating as it seems i am quite enjoying myself at the moment on shift and everything seems to be going well so far, but I'm not sure if this is the lull before the storm to be honest as shift numbers get depleted further to fund these "departments" will only lead to more dangers to the front line staff, but that's another topic.

Roll on Roads Policing, at least this gives me the time to get to know some of the traffic guys and i'm already getting talked about by them (in a good way i might add for a change)and I'm getting a reputation for doing good traffic work.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Scum Burglars

Yesterday was another interesting day for a short shift. We were sat in briefing when the first immediate job came in.


Thatll be us then. Me and my crew mate for the shift jumped into a panda, luckily i knew where the road was and we just made our way there as updates came across the radio.


We arrived moments later and cannot see an easy way in, so i checked the door and with a big kick the door goes in shattering the frame. Shouts of "POLICE" go up and we see the male lying on the floor collapsed. Ambo do there stuff and he is quickly sitting up refusing to go to hospital.

Sad thing is this guy is quite a nice lad but has a few "issues" but we manage to get him to hospital and he seems quite grateful for our help. The door is mended and we resumed.

Moments after we leave the hospital another immediate call comes in (all other units are committed with other work at this time) "ANY UNIT AVALIABLE FOR AN IMMEDIATE THEFT" We were some distance away but take the call and start making, sadly the facts that the caller gave to control room were not quite accurate and the theft was unwitnessed and happened in the past 30 mins. The offence was crimed and the necessary paperwork completed.

We get back into the car to head to the nick to tidy the paperwork up when "ANY UNIT FREE FOR AN IMMEDIATE RTC, ROAD BLOCKED"

I light the car up and start making again only to be cancelled as a roads policing unit starts to make and gets there before us.

We eventually get back to the nick when we are deployed to a couple of urgent jobs which we resolve quite quickly.

We were heading off to do our taskings while the radio was quiet and en route whilst discussing what to have for dinner a very stressed controller shouts our call sign stating "POSSIBLE BURGLARY IN PROGRESS". Again the car gets lit up and the noise goes on and we start making again at speed through traffic. We got to scene very quickly to find an elderly lady had been burgled. It seems 2 lads had knocked her door and then forced there way past her to search the house and take all of a few quid from the house. SCUM.

The only humorous part was the fact the aggrieved called her friends and her neighbours before police making the call some 20 mins old before we were called.

Hopefully SOCO will find something as there is no other witness's, or evidence apart from maybe DNA and fingerprints.

This left me and my crew mate tired and to be honest pissed off with these people who target the elderly, let alone forcing there way past her and searching the property while she is stood there helpless.

I hope we do get SOCO and get these SCUM that did this, no burglary is pleasant and this is aggravated by the aggrieved being elderly prompting thoughts "IF THAT WAS MY NAN ID KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THEM".

We know we are not supposed to get personal but i'm sorry, i positively detest these people who choose easy targets for a few quid. But we are only human.

Hopefully we will get something.

Hopefully they will get whats owed to them in some way in the future in a restorative justice kind of way.

Was a good shift all in all, a lot of work done in a short shift, all commitments met and dealt with.

Bet i still get grief for not progressing my own jobs though!

Blogging help

I have now realised that my blog could have a better appearance to you people out there as i have browsed several other blogs.

If anyone out there has suggestions on how to improve this blog, what you'd like to see in stories or any tools or suggestions then I'd like to hear them as i think i need to make a little bit more effort in this blog and maybe put a little bit more time into it so it becomes a better read.

So please post comments with suggestions positive or negative and ill see what i can do.. Don't worry I'm not easily offended!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Not alot to say really

I was off work for a couple of weeks due to some much needed annual leave where i managed to leave to UK behind for some warmer weather. But sods law i suddenly got all hot here.

I was aiming to leave the police behind as well but just before i left i was served with a Reg9 notice. (in layman's terms i had a complaint which i was to be investigated over) I cant go into too much detail but it's not a nice feeling but its a necessary evil i guess.

I came back from leave expecting to have some crap thrown at me, but it wasn't too bad. You see when an OIC goes on leave for some holiday then the investigation stops while the OIC is away. So that assault you reported last week will have nothing doing to it for a few weeks. The public seem to think that we are a team who help each other and progress crimes as a team but that is not the case. I have ownership of some 20 crime reports, that's 20 members of the public who's cases i am investigating, a similar number for each other officer on my shift.

The public assume that i work 24/7 365 days a week and am at there beckoned call, but alas i do need to eat, sleep and god forbid have some time off during the week. They phone me during the day when i am on nights, but when I'm free to return the call not too long after 2200 hours then they complain that i am disturbing them and that i should call back at a more sociable hour. Or i just don't call them back until i am on days which could be a week later and they complain that i have not returned their call.

No win situation.

We have now moved to CAPTOR or PAVA spray which is to replace CS spray. On the face of it, it seems great as its a secondary control measure and has been sold to us as "GET IN THE TRANSIT" "NO FUCK OFF" "WILL YOU COMPLY WITH MY REQUEST" "NO" then spray away. Although sounds good, it could be interesting to see what happens in court with it though.

Other than that, not a lot has really happened, but i guess i was away for a while and missed the fun of the fights in the town center a day before i get back on duty.

Hopefully something will happen soon as its getting quite depressing at work recently with everything that's been going on!

Please feel free to post comments or questions on anything.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

So slow its grinding to a halt

It's been a while since i have updated this blog, seems to have been about a month. I guess its because there really hasn't been anything worthy of writing about. Its been a case of same shite different day really.

I have had a few good jobs which i learnt stuff from, like when the helicopter says the subject is below us, don't actually try to walk directly to the helicopter. It took me a good 10 mins+ to get to the subject whom was an ill person who had collapsed in a field. We climbed fences, jogged through fields of horses to get to the bloke. But helicopters don't stay still so we were actually chasing the helicopter by going directly to it. And we also didn't actually realise there was a path to one side that lead directly to him. But thanks to the helicopter crew for pointing that out when we were nearly on top of the subject! Made for a bit of a giggle and they guy was escorted to the ambo and even wrote a thank you letter to us which was nice and make it all worthwhile.

I'm still getting the drink drivers in, actually I'm getting more drink drivers than normal prisoners recently. Which i think is good, but the powers that be think is bad as there is no "Detection" for the force stats in drink driving. And my stats look ok with the arrests but detections are low because of the drink drivers.

I have since applied for Roads Policing but i was rejected on my paper application as i didn't have long enough in service. Which is interesting as the requirements that they posted meant i was within the limits, but hey ho i guess there is always next time and now I'm working on my Traffic skills more than anything else, but this will soon start to affect everything else.

I mean its not as if we have any quality jobs with bodies on the end of them. Its been like this for the last few months and i cant quite understand why as its just been poor. Assaults called in days after the assault. Thefts with no offenders or CCTV or SOCO. Its bloomin silly at the moment.

Its that bad that i can go out and do proactive work and not get a single thing, not even Friday nights as there are no fights reported at the time, no public order, nothing and it makes the night drag.

Role on summer when hopefully we will be busy dealing with some proper jobs, with offenders on the end.

Is it just my force or is this country wide, are we all in a lull before the storm??

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I may actually smile

My recent posts seem to be a lot of me moaning about certain things such as the influx of call takers who i think shouldn't be on main channels just yet (i gave another example!), or our AIM Team who supervise our jobs from the safety of their desks and computers or the abuse we receive from the people we are supposed to be protecting.

Firstly, I am not always complaining, honest!

Secondly this is probably the first time i have noticed now things have changed in the time i have been in the force, which i would agree isn't very long but so much has changed which quite frankly is depressing. I in all honesty some days cant understand why people join the police.

Part of the problem recently has been the quality of the jobs we are attending, they are piss poor and i don't mean we still get the odd quality job, i mean we get all crap with no detections at the end just mindless paperwork for paperwork's sake. And when i get a good job which seems clear cut to me, the CPS (cant / wont prosecute service) wont charge "just yet" even though the suspect admitted the offence on tape and the advice was to just decide what charge to put to him.

But we have had some fun recently, i am always of the opinion and i say this to all the new people that come onto shift, to always have fun whenever possible in this job or it will get you down.

On one of my weirder shifts i came across 3 jobs that took me 11 hours to complete and none of the 3 were remotely similar which i just loved as it is what makes this job, one minute we are fighting the next we are doing something silly.

1st job comes in "immediate suspect suicide" we attend and yep the guy has died his family are on scene and are very distraught, which is understandable given the method in which they found him and the way he died. This was my first suicide of this type and i had a younger in service crew mate but we did well given all accounts.

2nd job comes in "Sheep in road" i actually volunteered for this job and i needed a bit of a laff, we go on scene to find several 8 year olds desperate to assist us in our search. I thought ah well community relations an all that and off we went to find the lone sheep which we eventually found and we had to carry it once we had cornered and rugby tackled the sheep.

3rd job was to assist ambulance with a person who had taken an overdose, no biggy until we found him and he was a big lad who didn't want to go to hospital. I section him under the mental health act, he tried to escape, the ambo crew run away and i get lobbed out of an ambulance along with my crew mate. I call for assistance and the controller who wasn't listening even though i had said listen out as he may kick off, asked me to repeat my transmission twice. Luckily everyone else herd me and came as quick as. Long story short, we turn up mob handed and eventually with a struggle get him into custody.

This was a good day and believe it or not it reminded me of why i enjoy this job. It was emotional, it was funny and we had a fight and a laff and i went home thinking "what other job can give you this mix of jobs in a day" and the answer is probably not many. Actually thinking about it you need to be mad to enjoy this job.

So for one day i couldn't care less about the people behind the desks, i did my job and enjoyed doing it. And i came away from work with a smile on my face.

Its amazing how one day can change your outlook on the job.

Lets hope we have many more.


Monday, March 27, 2006

Call Takers and Dispatchers

Recently in my force there has been an increase in call takers and radio dispatchers. We obviously were never told about this and have managed to work out what is happening. There is a new management "clear the box" ethos where controllers desperately try to off load old unresourced jobs onto response officers. The reason for this is the civilian "lets create a job for everything" ethos and as i have mentioned before the crime managements "lets crime everything before attendance" ethos.

You see we have now woken up to this and are aware of what these people are trying to do.

The situation used to be we knew our controllers, we could tell by the tone of the voice how urgent the job was and would trust them to the point that if they called me and said "we really need to attend asap but its not immediate" then we would go off and get there straight away rather than do something else first as its not immediate.

Now we have the reverse, we have new controllers who sound panicked when an urgent commitment job comes in but they don't give us the grading when they hail us. "Any unit available for an assault at xxxx respond with call sign" now the tone of voice suggests that this is happening now and is a fight in progress but no, its 3 days old. We have been caught out too often now that immediate commitment jobs are being unresourced because we simply don't trust the controllers.

The call takers are creating jobs that come in that really don't need any police involvement. Jobs such as "my ex husband has cc'd me into a letter he has written to the solicitors" now you would have thought that this would be a non starter advice given by the telephone ops but no, its classified as urgent attendance (within 45 mins) domestic harassment.
Great you think but it gets better
Now Crime management have seen this job come in and its yet to be resourced so they set about criming it as a domestic harassment. Even though on attendance you read the letter and its totally legit correspondence no harassment aspect there at all. No crime and move on maybe but no, now we need to investigate it!

Whatever happened to DISCRESION.

Civilians have taken away the core function of policing which is discretion. Now I'm nicking Mr domestic harassment because its been clasified as such. And SOCA powers mean i have to justify the arrest. But no Domestic Violence Unit state that we must take "Positive Action" and this means arrest to prevent physical harm to the caller.

I always try to police practically. Arrest when necessary, suitable advice when appropriate.

Its getting harder and harder to do now so much so we will soon be robots doing as we are told and I'm damned sure that, that is not what was meant to happen when we were sworn in as the powers were given to us not to the force and we should not be told to use our powers when we don't feel it right to do so!

End Rant

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Police Force Mergers - The Decision

Well the alleged consultation process has been completed. But i'm not sure when this happened or how we were consulted, must have been one of those sneaky consultation all user emails that we never read!

BBC News Report


Monday, March 20, 2006

Nothing like respect

There is a small town with a fairly condensed population. The majority of which populate the town center of a Friday / Saturday night which is not uncommon of many towns over the weekend.
This one is quite heavily policed though over the weekend as it is prone to lots of trouble coming from nowhere. On one weekend, the usual gobby people are out, shouting at police and generally being a nuisance.
The people in general are spoken too and you would have liked to think that sense was seen and everyone went away happily......

Noooo, these people started making phone calls and down come there mates. and before we know it we have a hell of a lot of Asian youths trying to provoke the police into action. The reasoning we think is to alow us to be accused of being racist.

We receive racial abuse as well as being accused of being racist ourselves. We hold off just trying to keep a lid on things but there is only so long you can be called various names and generally abused. Several units arrive on scene as well as dog units and an ARV came along.

First off you would hope a show of force may make them think twice. But it didnt, more phone calls were made and more Asian youths arrived.

Out comes the dog as it was starting to look like it was going to kick off and the sight of a snarling land shark is hopefully enough to dissuade them but unfortunate the response we get is "Let the F***ing dog go then ill F***ing kill it" etc etc etc they run at the dog knowing it wont be released.

The ARV crew get in the mix pushing people about in their own way only to be fronted by a large group of people taunting "come on Hit me you fat B***ard" or "go on nick me then and see what happens" We did not have the resources to make arrests and if we were to arrest then its a 30 min ride to the nearest custody.

Eventually everyone went there own way but that was down to the police backing off more than anything.

I am of the opinion that we should not have backed away, we should have done what we are paid to do and arrest these scum regardless of there race.

I am aware that officer safety is at the back of our minds all the time, but we have a job to do and we cant let people get away with this or it will happen again and again.

I personally am of the opinion, well lets try and sort it we have CS and batons lets see what happens when we do show force against them and show we are not scared!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Arm the Police Poll

I have created a quick Poll on arming the police, please take the time to have a quick look and vote.

It would be interesting to get peoples views on this as i have my own as do my colleagues!

Ill Post the results in a few weeks.



Should The Police Be Armed?
Yes - All Officers should carry firearms.
Yes - More officers should be authorized to carry firearms but not routinely carry.
Yes - We need more armed response vehicles but no to routine arming.
No - Because i don't trust the police with firearms.
No - Because the criminals would carry guns as well.
No - Because its breaking tradition of having non armed police officers.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Monday, February 27, 2006


I have been off shift for just over a week now as i have been attending another course.

This one was a Tutors course, which basically a course which allows me to train new officers when they first come out of training school. So the first contact with the harsh reality of policing will be me!

Now what would you expect to be in a Tutors course???
Would it be law training to ensure you were up to date with current legislation?
Would it be Officer safety training to ensure that your self defense ability is current?
Would there be lots of role plays to test the new knowledge to ensure it was all settling in?

Well to the majority of that it would be no.

It was basically a course on how to train people which i agree will be beneficial in allowing me to recognise leaning styles and adapt my training to the level of the student, it taught me how to recognise Tutor / Tutee friction and how to resolve welfare issues, with half a days role play with a "Real" Tutee in scenarios to see if it all fitted in.

Actually as cynical as i am being here it was a good course, and for a weeks course it was quite good as it did cram alot in, it was lacking in some departments (But Hey its the Police we never do everything properly).
The test will be when i get my "New Kid" to tutor which maybe soon but again it may be months away i will have to find out but when i do get a Tutee you can guarantee that this blog will take on a whole new direction for a few weeks!


Wednesday, February 08, 2006


NCRS is the National Crime Recording Standard which was introduced to ensure all forces recorded crime accurately and crime reports were generated where appropriate. The only time where a crime report should not be generated is when:
1)There is credible evidence to suggest a crime has not happened.
2)There is a non personal crime or there is no victim.

But there could be a crime related incident which does not need a victim ie CCTV calls in and says there is a fight in the street but officers arrive and there is no one to be found. Then a crime related incident should be completed (CRI)

My force is currently telling us not to crime everything because we are recording too much crime. But frequently i am finding that a call comes in, i attend and discover that there are no actual offences. I Write the job off as no offences and carry on with my job.

I then find that someone (a civilian) has generated a crime report and i now have to investigate this as a crime. I now need to get a statement from the Aggrieved confirming that there has been no crime, and witness's statements confirming that they did not witness a crime and corroborating the Aggd's statement. I then have to secure any evidence supporting that no crime has been committed.

So basically i am investigating something that is not a crime to prove that it is not a crime. Rather than investigating an incident to get an offender and the crime detected.

So much for reducing the amount of time officers are tied up with paperwork!

So recently i have now discovered that everything we attend will be at the least a Crime Related Incident and recorded appropriately.

It has now been expanded to the drunk in the street.

Call comes in, male has been assaulted by unknown offender(s).
Male is very pissed with no injuries and tells police nah i cant be bothered with it and provides no further info.

We would have given him the Number for the job and say, look your drunk, call in the morning if you decide you want to make a complaint.

Job done.

Now we have to record it as a CRI and get an account from him at the scene and further investigate when he is sober. Seize CCTV, witness details etc.

Now catch 22. We are not allowed to get accounts from Aggd's if they are drunk if we do so we are up for a disciplinary.

Cant win now we have officers tied up on a Friday Saturday night with drunk Aggd's who don't want us there trying to generate a crime report which does not need to be crimed.
We also have out own force saying, don't crime everything unless a complaint is going to be made.
By the same token the Civilians criming everything even before we get there.

Bureaucracy at its best.


Friday, February 03, 2006

Police Slang

I found this on Policeoracle.com

A lot of this list is a big NO-NO and no longer gets used and probably shouldn't get used.

Angler: a thief who uses a rod or pole to steal from ground-floor windows.
Bad Call: What your police partner says when they think you need an eyesight test. Usually uttered after you've pointed out a member of the opposite sex.
Bamber, to do a: UK police expression which means to make a mistake.
Banter: leg pulling. eg: Good banter, fierce banter, nasty banter. To describe a close knit a team. eg. 'They've got good banter that lot'.
Black Rat: Originally Met traffic officer. Now in general use. Allegedly chosen as a motif because it's one of the only animals that'll actually eat it's own young! Until fairly recently a traffic officer could place a black rat sticker in their private car as an unobtrusive way of 'showing out' to colleagues, in the hope that they wouldn't get pulled for driving offences etc. Now-a-days it's more than likely that the car doing 90mph in front of you with a rodent sticker on it's number plate isn't actually being driven by a Black Rat, but a sl*g boy racer who's chancing his arm. Give him a tug.
Black Rover: Warrant card, when used as a travel card on bus, tube or train.
Blag: a violent robbery or raid; the act of using clever talk or lying to get something. Also to get something free, or at vastly reduced price. Also see G.T.P and Do you take warrant card?
Blues and Twos: Driving very fast on an emergency call.
Body: Potential/Valued customer wearing handcuffs.
Boy Racer: Term of endearment for young and usually spotty members of the public. Usually said to male drivers who travel at high speed in their spoiler clad Vauxhall Novas.
Brew: Hot beverage, usually but not always tea. See also chink-chink.
Brief: a solicitor or barrister. Also brief, a police officer's warrant card.
Canteen Cowboy: Police officer, generally young in service. One who likes to advise other officers, usually younger in service than the cowboy. Can be used as a put down, but usually behind the cowboy's back. eg: 'He's a real canteen cowboy that one'. Can be used as term of endearment during banter. eg: 'You're a real canteen cowboy, you are!' Slap on the back, guffaws etc.
Chink-Chink: The sound that cups make when knocked together. Called over the radio to indicate that a brew's up. If more than one station shares the same channel to avoid disappointing thirsty officers, chink-chink may be followed by the individual station's call sign at which the brew is ready and waiting.
Clothes Hanger: Useless or ineffective police officer. See also uniform carrier.
Con: convict, confidence trick
Cooking the books: The art of making an area appear safer to the public than it actually is in reality. Also see not carnival related.
Cush: savings to fall back on. From cushion.
Datastreaming: a growing crime where a hacker obtains credit card details to create counterfeit cards.
Do you take warrant card?: Method of payment for goods or services by police officers. Practice believed to have been totally eradicated in the early 1900's. More flexible than your most flexible friend. eg. 'How would you like to pay for this curry?' 'Do you take warrant card?' 'That'll do nicely sir'. It has been said that back in the early 1900's some officers in the UK had totally done away with the need to carry any other form of accepted payment on their person. Also see: G.T.P. and Blag.
Done it in: To be late for a shift. eg. 'Can you show me weekly leave in lieu, I have done it in for early turn again....'
Down, going: to be sent to prison.
Double-Bubble: To be in the unlikely position of earning double time. eg. 'I've got double-bubble...... Yeee-Haaa!'
End: share proceeds from a crime.
Early turn: Shift or tour of duty starting at 6am. Can be used as an excuse for various bodily functions or odours. 'What's that smell?' 'Sorry it's me, I have early turn bottom'.
Force Feeding: Sampling the culinary delights created by Michelin starred chefs employed to look after the delicate palates of Police officers. Force is often uttered with a silent 'd'.
Front: a person with a clean criminal record who provides an acceptable face for a known criminal who is the real owner of a club or business.
Gate fever: the emotion shown by a prisoner nearing the end of his sentence.
Get pulled: To be stopped by police, also give tug. Can also mean to be taken to one side by a senior officer and spoken to about something. Usually something you've done wrong. eg. 'I got pulled over not having a shave'.
Give tug: As in 'give him a tug'. Same as get pulled.
Good Call: Very rare occasion where police presence is required. Also may be used by fellow officers in reply to your attempts at pointing out a particular attractive member of the public. Negative may be Bad Call or worse.
Grass: an informer
G.T.P.: G ood T o P olice. Many things can be considered G.T.P. Shops that provide discounts, curry houses, night clubs that provide free entry etc. G.T.P -The unethical practice of using your position as a police officer to obtain services or goods for free. (or at wildly knocked down prices.) Business that are G.T.P are never found advertising on the local nick's canteen notice board, nor are these businesses ever advertised in a particular force's in-house magazine or newspaper. The practice of police officers frequenting G.T.P. businesses is believed to have been eradicated in the early 1900's - Thank god. It has been said that before this time police officers had to make a show of paying for goods, then feign embarrassment that the shop owner had seen the officer's brief fully opened and left on the shop owner's counter, before this farcical act of attempting to pay for items had even taken place. It is also said that officers would pass on information about any particular shop's G.T.P'dness to fellow officers - Outrageous! We're definitely glad it doesn't happen anymore. Also see: Blag and Do you take warrant card?
Ghurkha: Someone who has forgotten their powers of arrest. Taken from stories from the British army, e.g. Ghurka's don't take prisoners.
Guv: Officer of at least Inspector rank. Someone who doesn’t get paid any overtime.
Hobbit: a prisoner who complies with the system.
Icecream: a narcotic.
Jumper: a thief who steals from offices.
Ker-Ching: as in noise made by a cash register. Usually said out loud shortly after giving a caution for littering (or any other sec.25 worthy offence.) ten minutes prior to clocking off time. Also see over-time bandit.
Kremlin: New Scotland Yard.
L.O.B. A call which did not require police presence. Load Of Bollocks, in less politically correct times was often heard on the police radio, was often given by old sweats as a result to a call.
Lag: a person who has been frequently convicted and sent to prison. Often 'old lag'.
L.A.S: People who make drunks disappear, take our carefully applied bandages off and know which nurses at the local hospital are currently single.
Late turn: Shift / tour of duty that starts at 2pm.
Local nick: police station
Lump, The: building site fraud to avoid payment of income tax.
M.O.: modus operandi. The way in which a criminal commits a crime.
Muppet: Most Useless Police Person Ever Trained. Generally a term of endearment used whilst engaging in banter. Used when someone makes a mistake. eg. 'You muppet, you've forgotten to bring the white stuff back with you'.
Nick: to arrest someone. Also Police Station eg. 'I'll see you back at the nick'.
Night duty: Shift that starts at 10pm. Usually called nights. Causes zombie like states in some officers, growth of whiskers, night duty bottom etc.
NonDe: Non descript, used when referring to an unmarked police vehicle taken out on obbo's.
Not Carnival Related: Blatant lie. Met. Usually said to press or police officers during briefings carried out over the Notting Hill carnival weekend. To give the appearance to the public that the carnival has been totally crime free for the umpteenth year running....! eg. 'There's been 3 floats TDA'd, 5 sound systems stolen, 2 gun point robberies, 4 indecent assaults and 12 reported incidents of steaming in the last 24 hours. Also there was a small localised riot around the BoomBoomCrew's sound stage at 4am, after local residents complained of a noise nuisiance to the council. Happily we've just heard that the environment officer who attempted to turn the volume down will be out of intensive care in a few days, doctors are hopeful he'll function quite normally with only one lung. Ready for it........ All of these reported crimes we can safely say are not carnival related, so feel free to bring the family and kids along to soak up some of the great carnival atmosphere expected here today'.
Nut: the expenses incurred by a thief setting up a robbery or theft. Also second most important piece of equipment after stick.
Obbo: police observation on criminals.
Old Bill: Full details here on another thread.
Old Sweat: description of an officer long in service. possible term of endearment. Considered made it, see it, done it.
Onion: Sergeant. Onion Bargie - Sargie. eg 'watch out the onion's coming!'
Over-Time Bandit: Officer who generally uses ker-ching frequently.
Padding: unscrupulous police practice of adding to a drugs haul to upgrade an arrest and ensure a conviction.
Pig: Polite, Intelligent Gentleman.
Plonk: Person of Little Or No Knowledge. definitely a 'no-no' these days!
Probationer:The officer who just gave you a ticket for no seatbelt.
Q.E.: Queen's evidence. An accomplice in a crime giving evidence in the hope of a lighter sentences.
Ramp: a police search or a criminal swindle.
Rat: Really Adept at Traffic law.
Refs: Refreshment break, meal break. eg. 'what time refs are you?' Mainly Met speak.
Sarge: Sergeant. See Onion
Section House: Large, usually decaying tower block housing young single police officers. Just like the TV program men behaving badly, but on a much, much larger scale. Also see sl*g.
Shiny Arse: Derogatory term for an officer employed in a long term office environment.
Shoulder-surfing: stealing pin numbers at cashpoints for use later with copied cards.
Showing Out: The unethical practice of hinting to an officer upon being stopped that you are a fellow officer and therefore not a sl*g. Done in the hope of receiving unfair treatment which we in no way condone e.g 'Have you got any ID on you sir?' - 'Why yes officer, I think I have my driving licence in my brief side pocket'. 'Do you realise you hit 97mph over the hump back bridge 10 miles back?' - 'Sorry officer, I'm court off nights this morning, I'm rushing home to get my number ones'. 'Have you ever taken a breath test before?' - 'Only when I was at training school, I blew under after having ten pints that day too'.
Slammer, the: prison.
sl*g: criminal. eg. 'he's a right sl*g that one'. Also person of low sexual morals, usually found living in a section house.
Suspect: Potential customer.
Snitch: informer
Sorted: everything is organised eg: 'It's sorted.'
Spin Drum: To perform a search, generally to search a property. 'We're gonna spin his drum'. Spun Drum, property already searched. 'We spun his drum and found nuffink'.
Station Cat: Officer who preens themselves and finds every excuse possible not to leave the factory, work shy, a borderline shiny arse. Not to be confused with Station Cat: a nice, friendly, fluffy whiskered feline whom keeps itself busy by sorting the rodent population at the nick and living on tidbits thrown to it at refs time.
Strawberry Mivvie: Civvie. Civilian police staff. Can be shortened to Strawbs etc.
Stick: Truncheon, now mainly out of popular usage except with Old Sweats. eg. 'stick him'. or 'sticks out'.
Sticked: To have been hit with a truncheon for failing to do what you're told. eg. 'I had no choice, I sticked him'.
Stick Out: to have your cover blown when in plain clothes. Generally caused by having a short back and sides hair cut, wearing dr martins boots, police issue black leather belt, blue jeans, white t-shirt and lumberjack type checked shirt whilst following a suspect in an ethnically diverse area of East London! 'You Muppet!' Also Stick Out: A particularly dangerous situation. eg. 'It was so bad, I got my stick out'.
Suit: A person who spends his/her time at a desk on the phone and computer.
Supergrass: a very important informer
The Bill: The Bill, popular UK TV program that Police officers watch to see the newest item of kit that may, or may not eventually find it's way down to the sharp end. For Old Bill click here to find huge detailed list of possible origins.
The Factory: Police station, generally used by those in the office.
The Filth: Criminal term for the police.
The Griff: The full facts, as in "give me the griff on that would you old chap."
The Office: Generally CID term for police station. eg. 'After we've spun his drum, we'll all meet back at the office.... Sniff'.
Thief Taker: Term of praise for a police officer. An uncanny radar-like ability to spot a criminal. eg. 'he's a good thief taker that one'.
Time, to do: to serve a prison sentence
Tit: Hat worn by wooden-tops for the benefit of tourists’ digital cameras. Plonks don’t generally have these.
Tour of duty: An alloted shift at work. Generally when referring to early turn, late turn or night duty. Couldn't be used by a shiny arse in front of shift officers. Shift officers do not consider anyone working usual daytime hours to be actually working at all. In fact they shouldn't be allowed to carry a warrant card, wear a uniform,receive pay at the same rate, park in the station yard etc.
Trumpton: Fire Brigade, very adept at cutting the roofs off of slightly dented cars. Rumoured to be prone to stealing, practice believed eradicated back in the early 1900's.
Truncheon: Stick
TWOC: to take without the owners consent. A Twocer is someone who steals vehicles etc. Also in Met land TDA: Taken and driven away.
Uniform Carrier: Useless or ineffective police officer. See also clothes hanger.
Upstairs: to be convicted at the crown court. The dock is reached by climbing the stairs form the cells.
VPU: Vulnerable prisoner unit, used to keep prisoners likely to be victimised away form other prisoners.
White Stuff: Milk, the second most important ingredient of a police officer's staple hot beverage.
Window warrior: a prisoner who constantly shouts from his cell window.
Window Licker: Definite 'no-no' these days. Someone who is quite obviously mad, deranged, psychotic etc. eg. 'He's a right window licker that one'.
Wooden-Top: A person who spends his/her time dealing with domestics.
YOIs: Young offenders institute.
Zombie: a particularly nasty prison officer - more dead than alive.

Call for CS to be withdrawn

I found this news article on the BBC news website

BBC News Report

It relates to a man in Dorset who had an adverse reaction to being sprayed with CS Spray.
He was exposed to the spray following him trying to intervene when his friend was being spoken to by police.

He had come from the pub and went to intervene with some others from the pub, somewhere along the lines he got CS'd and arrested for Public Order offences.

Any police officer can translate that into. He was drunk saw his friend being spoken to and got the arse and kicked off, CS deployed and he was arrested.

The family are going to try and claim compensation and get it banned from police use.

What a Joke, i mean we all know that CS can have adverse reaction but it doesn't get used lightly, its a defence measure.

Bottom line is if you don't want to get Hit, Sprayed or arrested then don't act in a way that will result in being hit, sprayed or arrested.

Its like the arguments for not using Taser "if you use taser on someone with a pacemaker then it may affect the heart" Well, don't do anything that could get you tasered really.

People need to accept responsibility for their actions and the resulting action. If i go into town and start abusing some drunks i expect to get punched.

Cause and effect.

Sir you DO NOT have my sympathy. I admit the adverse reaction was not pleasant, but if you had not got involved to the degree that you got sprayed then it would not have happened.

The Police are looking at Using Pava (Captor) which is alleged to be more effective against suspects but does require a direct strike to the eyes with less side effects. The only downside is that CS is capable of affecting larger groups and does not need a direct strike to the eyes.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Police Federation Report on 24/7 Policing

I have just found this report


This report seems to have finally identified in paper form what every response officer has been saying for some time. And it makes for an interesting read of how the job of a response officer has changed and how we actually feel about things.

It identifies the impact government and management "ideas" have on our job at the bottom of the food chain, how we struggle to resource immediate jobs, how we struggle to keep afloat with the increasing demands from the public, the CPS and the targets that are set by the force.

This is now a bigger thing as the majority of the force is probationers and how this impacts them as the new recruits. How much of a shock it is when people join to do some good in the community to find that its not actually the criminals we are fighting but our own burocracy. How the figures are used and how we are told to do our jobs to increase these figures.

When you could use discretion when needed. And charge if appropriate. Now we are charging / cautioning people for petty offences where there is no complaint. How we are told to issue Penalty Notice For Disorder if someone walks past you in the street and says "FUCK" or is playing about with their mates after a few drinks where no harm is being done and its just drunken horseplay.

It certainly makes for interesting reading.

Mad people and 00 shouts

Well earlies tend to be fairly slow in my neck of the woods. Apart from one shift of 10 hours this week.

Me and my crew mate were going to the local supermarket to collect some stuff at about 8am. First run of the car so it was cold and it was only a mile down the road.

We parked up the car and i switched the engine off, no sooner has the engine stopped as i hear the dreaded 00 shout come across the air. FUCK restart the engine light up the car and start to try and negotiate my way from the car park to the main road. But the car had other ideas, because i had started to move off as the car was powering up, the power steering decided "nope not gonna play" so there i am, blues and 2's going, rock hard steering and a lot of asleep shoppers wandering what the hell is happening. Luckily we got out and the steering came back before the main road.

We start making to the scene where an officer had made the 00 shout. I have cold tyres which offer me limited grip so i resort to some of my advanced driving training (which I'm not supposed to have had!) and begin power sliding the car around roundabouts much to the surprise of members of the public. Luckily it doesn't take too long to get up to heat and all was well.

We are first crew on scene as we were the only car that was out and about. Turns out a male whom is slightly mad didnt want a visit from the council and he charged at the officer whom promptly shut the door on him.

We all turn up and prepare to go into the property, we have a mast team getting kitted up in case of weapons and a shield entry is needed. I got to my car to get my jacket as it was a tad cold and i suddenly hear shouting from the front of the house and also hear the sound of batons racking. I see my guvnor at the front with 2 others and the suspect with a large chunk of metal.

CS deployed by 2 officers, the guvnor gets back spray and promptly cant see anything. The suspect on the other hand had no effects but for some reason he just stood there looking at us, and was as good as gold. He gets nicked and cuffed.

I take hold of his arm and escort him to the van and then i promptly cant see a great deal as i am getting effected by the CS!.

All sorted and i am redeployed to another immediate. Just sorting that and another immediate comes in for assistance again with officers requesting assistance. I may get some lunch as each time i have gone to eat i get redeployed.

All to top it off with another mad man with a knife who thinks the inland revenue wants to nuke his flat.

I was knackered, but loved the jobs and love being busy.

A good day had by all, no officers hurt, no suspects hurt and a nice busy shift.

Could have been soooo much worse. But at least we all know what happens when we need help which is reassuring.


Friday, January 27, 2006


I really hate being on my shift.

Our skipper has gone on leave and we have a stand in (in the loosest sense of the word). A police officer on shift who thinks they can bark orders as they are the most experienced member on shift (time wise not actual experience).

This i think will be there downfall as day 1 managed to piss off at least 2 members of the shift, this seems to happen quite regularly and needs to be addressed as we cant have the infighting we had before because of overbearing skippers.

I have actually considered moving to another shift at another nick as its turning into a state where i really don't want to come to work. I mean i love my job its just this person making life very hard by their attitude.

I usually go with the flow and don't let things bother me, life's to short to get stressed in reality and there is a lot worse that can happen to people out there.

We will see how the next week goes as I'm not overly sure how much longer i can keep my frustration in check and things will need to be said.

This job its quite easy to leave the job before you get home. But its annoying when you are pissed off at home because of the few on shift. Hopefully it will all sort itself out and I'll have some happy news for you all.

By the way I'm still top on shift for detections / arrests and jobs handled! Which pisses this person off even more as they have been in the job for longer!

Keep Smiling....


Full circle

Well, things in the police have now come a full circle for me. There is a routine in our numbers and policies and it seems to have come about again.

Right now we are quite flush on shift, we have had 3 or so new officers join our shift recently. This is a big difference compared to the numbers we usually ran with namely max 5 officers including a skipper.

I think we may actually be at full strength.

Having these new 3 officers reminded me of when i joined up, wet behind the ears and not sure what I'm really doing for the first few months at least. Now i have these "new kids" actually looking to me for advice which in itself is quite scary. One of them i hate to say is damned near useless and to be honest its not all his fault, hes had 2 bad tutors and just cant seem to get on with the job, quite how he will fair when he finished tutorship i don't know, hopefully actually being with some proactive officers and not being made to look a fool by his tutor may help.

One was an ex special who is doing very well who i have tutored for a few shifts while his main tutor is away this lads got potential just needs the practice.

The third is actually quite good, a bit like me when i started really, loves going out looking for proactive stuff but is having a bit of a mare with the paperwork side of things, I'm trying not to treat him like a tutee but its quite hard seeing people make mistakes which can be easily sorted and not say anything (we all learn by our mistakes).

I reckon in 6 - 10 months our numbers will be depleted again i may even not be on this shift and may have moved to new places. Im sure the people above me will be moving on or thinking about moving on shortly.

I am now going to be a tutor so i will get my own tutee to teach how to police, this in itself is interesting as i am not the most "by the book" officer out there i use common sense in my policing which the majority of times works but sometimes it fails me and i fall flat on my arse. But all part of the learning curve in reality.

So i have been at this nick for almost 2 years, i dont feel that experiance but being with the new kids has shown me how much i do know and i feel more confident in speaking up especially with other members of shift.

Will be interesting times to come.


Thursday, January 26, 2006

Help me!!

I found this while checking out other blogs.

"Help me Neil...help me!"

I found it amusing mainly for the half arsed attempt to escape and requesting the help of his friend, who it seemed was in 2 minds weather to help his mate out or not.

Seems these 2 were more than up for the job, and it may surprise some of you how strong people can be when they are desperate to escape.

I have had many a fight with someone smaller than me who has nearly won due to the need for him to escape.

I haven't CS'd a crew mate though... YET! But we will wait and see on that one!

I have just come off some crappy shifts recently hence the lack of updates but will hopefully update this blog as soon as i can.


Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Police Force Mergers

It has been well reported about the Home Office Review on merging Police Forces from 43 to about 12 forces because of "Operational Resilience".

A number of forces have already rejected the proposals and some are welcoming them this seems to be a step away from community policing that was on the agenda a while ago and a move towards national policing.

I wish they would make up their minds what they want us to do. Of course terrorism is a big thing on the agenda and affects us all and that is the key to the national policing idea, sharing intel and acting on information as well as responding to the incident. It seems to have worked well so far for us but we are a big force, its just a shame the government haven't a clue what really happens, we need to be able to share more intelligence to combat serious and organised crime but we also need to deal with Johnny Chav who wants to steal your car. Bigger forces will help Serious and organised crime but will it help stop the TWOCCER?

The answer is NO.

What would you prefer we deal with stop the things that stop you going about your business like anti social behaviour, theft of your car etc or say sorry but all our officers are dealing with high level crime.

I agree that we need to deal with high level crime but lets not loose focus here we are meant to serve and protect the public from drug dealers, little shits that want to smash your windows and burgle your house.

I'm sure that's what you would want us to do rather than not be there to prevent or detect the offence.

Comments please!

It's The New Year

Happy new year everyone, although a week or so too late!

Its been the first week of the new PACE powers and everyone is still a tad confused but it doesn't seem to have made a great deal of difference to the way we operate so far that is, no doubt it will all change as the days roll on, i'm still sceptical about the use of the new powers though but we shall see.

I have been trawling the news recently trying to catch up and found a few stories worth of comment.

One from a short time ago was about arming the police and the full story is here.

  • BBC News Story on Arming the Police

  • My views on arming the police have been posted before and we shall see how this pans out!