Monday, February 27, 2006


I have been off shift for just over a week now as i have been attending another course.

This one was a Tutors course, which basically a course which allows me to train new officers when they first come out of training school. So the first contact with the harsh reality of policing will be me!

Now what would you expect to be in a Tutors course???
Would it be law training to ensure you were up to date with current legislation?
Would it be Officer safety training to ensure that your self defense ability is current?
Would there be lots of role plays to test the new knowledge to ensure it was all settling in?

Well to the majority of that it would be no.

It was basically a course on how to train people which i agree will be beneficial in allowing me to recognise leaning styles and adapt my training to the level of the student, it taught me how to recognise Tutor / Tutee friction and how to resolve welfare issues, with half a days role play with a "Real" Tutee in scenarios to see if it all fitted in.

Actually as cynical as i am being here it was a good course, and for a weeks course it was quite good as it did cram alot in, it was lacking in some departments (But Hey its the Police we never do everything properly).
The test will be when i get my "New Kid" to tutor which maybe soon but again it may be months away i will have to find out but when i do get a Tutee you can guarantee that this blog will take on a whole new direction for a few weeks!


Wednesday, February 08, 2006


NCRS is the National Crime Recording Standard which was introduced to ensure all forces recorded crime accurately and crime reports were generated where appropriate. The only time where a crime report should not be generated is when:
1)There is credible evidence to suggest a crime has not happened.
2)There is a non personal crime or there is no victim.

But there could be a crime related incident which does not need a victim ie CCTV calls in and says there is a fight in the street but officers arrive and there is no one to be found. Then a crime related incident should be completed (CRI)

My force is currently telling us not to crime everything because we are recording too much crime. But frequently i am finding that a call comes in, i attend and discover that there are no actual offences. I Write the job off as no offences and carry on with my job.

I then find that someone (a civilian) has generated a crime report and i now have to investigate this as a crime. I now need to get a statement from the Aggrieved confirming that there has been no crime, and witness's statements confirming that they did not witness a crime and corroborating the Aggd's statement. I then have to secure any evidence supporting that no crime has been committed.

So basically i am investigating something that is not a crime to prove that it is not a crime. Rather than investigating an incident to get an offender and the crime detected.

So much for reducing the amount of time officers are tied up with paperwork!

So recently i have now discovered that everything we attend will be at the least a Crime Related Incident and recorded appropriately.

It has now been expanded to the drunk in the street.

Call comes in, male has been assaulted by unknown offender(s).
Male is very pissed with no injuries and tells police nah i cant be bothered with it and provides no further info.

We would have given him the Number for the job and say, look your drunk, call in the morning if you decide you want to make a complaint.

Job done.

Now we have to record it as a CRI and get an account from him at the scene and further investigate when he is sober. Seize CCTV, witness details etc.

Now catch 22. We are not allowed to get accounts from Aggd's if they are drunk if we do so we are up for a disciplinary.

Cant win now we have officers tied up on a Friday Saturday night with drunk Aggd's who don't want us there trying to generate a crime report which does not need to be crimed.
We also have out own force saying, don't crime everything unless a complaint is going to be made.
By the same token the Civilians criming everything even before we get there.

Bureaucracy at its best.


Friday, February 03, 2006

Police Slang

I found this on

A lot of this list is a big NO-NO and no longer gets used and probably shouldn't get used.

Angler: a thief who uses a rod or pole to steal from ground-floor windows.
Bad Call: What your police partner says when they think you need an eyesight test. Usually uttered after you've pointed out a member of the opposite sex.
Bamber, to do a: UK police expression which means to make a mistake.
Banter: leg pulling. eg: Good banter, fierce banter, nasty banter. To describe a close knit a team. eg. 'They've got good banter that lot'.
Black Rat: Originally Met traffic officer. Now in general use. Allegedly chosen as a motif because it's one of the only animals that'll actually eat it's own young! Until fairly recently a traffic officer could place a black rat sticker in their private car as an unobtrusive way of 'showing out' to colleagues, in the hope that they wouldn't get pulled for driving offences etc. Now-a-days it's more than likely that the car doing 90mph in front of you with a rodent sticker on it's number plate isn't actually being driven by a Black Rat, but a sl*g boy racer who's chancing his arm. Give him a tug.
Black Rover: Warrant card, when used as a travel card on bus, tube or train.
Blag: a violent robbery or raid; the act of using clever talk or lying to get something. Also to get something free, or at vastly reduced price. Also see G.T.P and Do you take warrant card?
Blues and Twos: Driving very fast on an emergency call.
Body: Potential/Valued customer wearing handcuffs.
Boy Racer: Term of endearment for young and usually spotty members of the public. Usually said to male drivers who travel at high speed in their spoiler clad Vauxhall Novas.
Brew: Hot beverage, usually but not always tea. See also chink-chink.
Brief: a solicitor or barrister. Also brief, a police officer's warrant card.
Canteen Cowboy: Police officer, generally young in service. One who likes to advise other officers, usually younger in service than the cowboy. Can be used as a put down, but usually behind the cowboy's back. eg: 'He's a real canteen cowboy that one'. Can be used as term of endearment during banter. eg: 'You're a real canteen cowboy, you are!' Slap on the back, guffaws etc.
Chink-Chink: The sound that cups make when knocked together. Called over the radio to indicate that a brew's up. If more than one station shares the same channel to avoid disappointing thirsty officers, chink-chink may be followed by the individual station's call sign at which the brew is ready and waiting.
Clothes Hanger: Useless or ineffective police officer. See also uniform carrier.
Con: convict, confidence trick
Cooking the books: The art of making an area appear safer to the public than it actually is in reality. Also see not carnival related.
Cush: savings to fall back on. From cushion.
Datastreaming: a growing crime where a hacker obtains credit card details to create counterfeit cards.
Do you take warrant card?: Method of payment for goods or services by police officers. Practice believed to have been totally eradicated in the early 1900's. More flexible than your most flexible friend. eg. 'How would you like to pay for this curry?' 'Do you take warrant card?' 'That'll do nicely sir'. It has been said that back in the early 1900's some officers in the UK had totally done away with the need to carry any other form of accepted payment on their person. Also see: G.T.P. and Blag.
Done it in: To be late for a shift. eg. 'Can you show me weekly leave in lieu, I have done it in for early turn again....'
Down, going: to be sent to prison.
Double-Bubble: To be in the unlikely position of earning double time. eg. 'I've got double-bubble...... Yeee-Haaa!'
End: share proceeds from a crime.
Early turn: Shift or tour of duty starting at 6am. Can be used as an excuse for various bodily functions or odours. 'What's that smell?' 'Sorry it's me, I have early turn bottom'.
Force Feeding: Sampling the culinary delights created by Michelin starred chefs employed to look after the delicate palates of Police officers. Force is often uttered with a silent 'd'.
Front: a person with a clean criminal record who provides an acceptable face for a known criminal who is the real owner of a club or business.
Gate fever: the emotion shown by a prisoner nearing the end of his sentence.
Get pulled: To be stopped by police, also give tug. Can also mean to be taken to one side by a senior officer and spoken to about something. Usually something you've done wrong. eg. 'I got pulled over not having a shave'.
Give tug: As in 'give him a tug'. Same as get pulled.
Good Call: Very rare occasion where police presence is required. Also may be used by fellow officers in reply to your attempts at pointing out a particular attractive member of the public. Negative may be Bad Call or worse.
Grass: an informer
G.T.P.: G ood T o P olice. Many things can be considered G.T.P. Shops that provide discounts, curry houses, night clubs that provide free entry etc. G.T.P -The unethical practice of using your position as a police officer to obtain services or goods for free. (or at wildly knocked down prices.) Business that are G.T.P are never found advertising on the local nick's canteen notice board, nor are these businesses ever advertised in a particular force's in-house magazine or newspaper. The practice of police officers frequenting G.T.P. businesses is believed to have been eradicated in the early 1900's - Thank god. It has been said that before this time police officers had to make a show of paying for goods, then feign embarrassment that the shop owner had seen the officer's brief fully opened and left on the shop owner's counter, before this farcical act of attempting to pay for items had even taken place. It is also said that officers would pass on information about any particular shop's G.T.P'dness to fellow officers - Outrageous! We're definitely glad it doesn't happen anymore. Also see: Blag and Do you take warrant card?
Ghurkha: Someone who has forgotten their powers of arrest. Taken from stories from the British army, e.g. Ghurka's don't take prisoners.
Guv: Officer of at least Inspector rank. Someone who doesn’t get paid any overtime.
Hobbit: a prisoner who complies with the system.
Icecream: a narcotic.
Jumper: a thief who steals from offices.
Ker-Ching: as in noise made by a cash register. Usually said out loud shortly after giving a caution for littering (or any other sec.25 worthy offence.) ten minutes prior to clocking off time. Also see over-time bandit.
Kremlin: New Scotland Yard.
L.O.B. A call which did not require police presence. Load Of Bollocks, in less politically correct times was often heard on the police radio, was often given by old sweats as a result to a call.
Lag: a person who has been frequently convicted and sent to prison. Often 'old lag'.
L.A.S: People who make drunks disappear, take our carefully applied bandages off and know which nurses at the local hospital are currently single.
Late turn: Shift / tour of duty that starts at 2pm.
Local nick: police station
Lump, The: building site fraud to avoid payment of income tax.
M.O.: modus operandi. The way in which a criminal commits a crime.
Muppet: Most Useless Police Person Ever Trained. Generally a term of endearment used whilst engaging in banter. Used when someone makes a mistake. eg. 'You muppet, you've forgotten to bring the white stuff back with you'.
Nick: to arrest someone. Also Police Station eg. 'I'll see you back at the nick'.
Night duty: Shift that starts at 10pm. Usually called nights. Causes zombie like states in some officers, growth of whiskers, night duty bottom etc.
NonDe: Non descript, used when referring to an unmarked police vehicle taken out on obbo's.
Not Carnival Related: Blatant lie. Met. Usually said to press or police officers during briefings carried out over the Notting Hill carnival weekend. To give the appearance to the public that the carnival has been totally crime free for the umpteenth year running....! eg. 'There's been 3 floats TDA'd, 5 sound systems stolen, 2 gun point robberies, 4 indecent assaults and 12 reported incidents of steaming in the last 24 hours. Also there was a small localised riot around the BoomBoomCrew's sound stage at 4am, after local residents complained of a noise nuisiance to the council. Happily we've just heard that the environment officer who attempted to turn the volume down will be out of intensive care in a few days, doctors are hopeful he'll function quite normally with only one lung. Ready for it........ All of these reported crimes we can safely say are not carnival related, so feel free to bring the family and kids along to soak up some of the great carnival atmosphere expected here today'.
Nut: the expenses incurred by a thief setting up a robbery or theft. Also second most important piece of equipment after stick.
Obbo: police observation on criminals.
Old Bill: Full details here on another thread.
Old Sweat: description of an officer long in service. possible term of endearment. Considered made it, see it, done it.
Onion: Sergeant. Onion Bargie - Sargie. eg 'watch out the onion's coming!'
Over-Time Bandit: Officer who generally uses ker-ching frequently.
Padding: unscrupulous police practice of adding to a drugs haul to upgrade an arrest and ensure a conviction.
Pig: Polite, Intelligent Gentleman.
Plonk: Person of Little Or No Knowledge. definitely a 'no-no' these days!
Probationer:The officer who just gave you a ticket for no seatbelt.
Q.E.: Queen's evidence. An accomplice in a crime giving evidence in the hope of a lighter sentences.
Ramp: a police search or a criminal swindle.
Rat: Really Adept at Traffic law.
Refs: Refreshment break, meal break. eg. 'what time refs are you?' Mainly Met speak.
Sarge: Sergeant. See Onion
Section House: Large, usually decaying tower block housing young single police officers. Just like the TV program men behaving badly, but on a much, much larger scale. Also see sl*g.
Shiny Arse: Derogatory term for an officer employed in a long term office environment.
Shoulder-surfing: stealing pin numbers at cashpoints for use later with copied cards.
Showing Out: The unethical practice of hinting to an officer upon being stopped that you are a fellow officer and therefore not a sl*g. Done in the hope of receiving unfair treatment which we in no way condone e.g 'Have you got any ID on you sir?' - 'Why yes officer, I think I have my driving licence in my brief side pocket'. 'Do you realise you hit 97mph over the hump back bridge 10 miles back?' - 'Sorry officer, I'm court off nights this morning, I'm rushing home to get my number ones'. 'Have you ever taken a breath test before?' - 'Only when I was at training school, I blew under after having ten pints that day too'.
Slammer, the: prison.
sl*g: criminal. eg. 'he's a right sl*g that one'. Also person of low sexual morals, usually found living in a section house.
Suspect: Potential customer.
Snitch: informer
Sorted: everything is organised eg: 'It's sorted.'
Spin Drum: To perform a search, generally to search a property. 'We're gonna spin his drum'. Spun Drum, property already searched. 'We spun his drum and found nuffink'.
Station Cat: Officer who preens themselves and finds every excuse possible not to leave the factory, work shy, a borderline shiny arse. Not to be confused with Station Cat: a nice, friendly, fluffy whiskered feline whom keeps itself busy by sorting the rodent population at the nick and living on tidbits thrown to it at refs time.
Strawberry Mivvie: Civvie. Civilian police staff. Can be shortened to Strawbs etc.
Stick: Truncheon, now mainly out of popular usage except with Old Sweats. eg. 'stick him'. or 'sticks out'.
Sticked: To have been hit with a truncheon for failing to do what you're told. eg. 'I had no choice, I sticked him'.
Stick Out: to have your cover blown when in plain clothes. Generally caused by having a short back and sides hair cut, wearing dr martins boots, police issue black leather belt, blue jeans, white t-shirt and lumberjack type checked shirt whilst following a suspect in an ethnically diverse area of East London! 'You Muppet!' Also Stick Out: A particularly dangerous situation. eg. 'It was so bad, I got my stick out'.
Suit: A person who spends his/her time at a desk on the phone and computer.
Supergrass: a very important informer
The Bill: The Bill, popular UK TV program that Police officers watch to see the newest item of kit that may, or may not eventually find it's way down to the sharp end. For Old Bill click here to find huge detailed list of possible origins.
The Factory: Police station, generally used by those in the office.
The Filth: Criminal term for the police.
The Griff: The full facts, as in "give me the griff on that would you old chap."
The Office: Generally CID term for police station. eg. 'After we've spun his drum, we'll all meet back at the office.... Sniff'.
Thief Taker: Term of praise for a police officer. An uncanny radar-like ability to spot a criminal. eg. 'he's a good thief taker that one'.
Time, to do: to serve a prison sentence
Tit: Hat worn by wooden-tops for the benefit of tourists’ digital cameras. Plonks don’t generally have these.
Tour of duty: An alloted shift at work. Generally when referring to early turn, late turn or night duty. Couldn't be used by a shiny arse in front of shift officers. Shift officers do not consider anyone working usual daytime hours to be actually working at all. In fact they shouldn't be allowed to carry a warrant card, wear a uniform,receive pay at the same rate, park in the station yard etc.
Trumpton: Fire Brigade, very adept at cutting the roofs off of slightly dented cars. Rumoured to be prone to stealing, practice believed eradicated back in the early 1900's.
Truncheon: Stick
TWOC: to take without the owners consent. A Twocer is someone who steals vehicles etc. Also in Met land TDA: Taken and driven away.
Uniform Carrier: Useless or ineffective police officer. See also clothes hanger.
Upstairs: to be convicted at the crown court. The dock is reached by climbing the stairs form the cells.
VPU: Vulnerable prisoner unit, used to keep prisoners likely to be victimised away form other prisoners.
White Stuff: Milk, the second most important ingredient of a police officer's staple hot beverage.
Window warrior: a prisoner who constantly shouts from his cell window.
Window Licker: Definite 'no-no' these days. Someone who is quite obviously mad, deranged, psychotic etc. eg. 'He's a right window licker that one'.
Wooden-Top: A person who spends his/her time dealing with domestics.
YOIs: Young offenders institute.
Zombie: a particularly nasty prison officer - more dead than alive.

Call for CS to be withdrawn

I found this news article on the BBC news website

BBC News Report

It relates to a man in Dorset who had an adverse reaction to being sprayed with CS Spray.
He was exposed to the spray following him trying to intervene when his friend was being spoken to by police.

He had come from the pub and went to intervene with some others from the pub, somewhere along the lines he got CS'd and arrested for Public Order offences.

Any police officer can translate that into. He was drunk saw his friend being spoken to and got the arse and kicked off, CS deployed and he was arrested.

The family are going to try and claim compensation and get it banned from police use.

What a Joke, i mean we all know that CS can have adverse reaction but it doesn't get used lightly, its a defence measure.

Bottom line is if you don't want to get Hit, Sprayed or arrested then don't act in a way that will result in being hit, sprayed or arrested.

Its like the arguments for not using Taser "if you use taser on someone with a pacemaker then it may affect the heart" Well, don't do anything that could get you tasered really.

People need to accept responsibility for their actions and the resulting action. If i go into town and start abusing some drunks i expect to get punched.

Cause and effect.

Sir you DO NOT have my sympathy. I admit the adverse reaction was not pleasant, but if you had not got involved to the degree that you got sprayed then it would not have happened.

The Police are looking at Using Pava (Captor) which is alleged to be more effective against suspects but does require a direct strike to the eyes with less side effects. The only downside is that CS is capable of affecting larger groups and does not need a direct strike to the eyes.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Police Federation Report on 24/7 Policing

I have just found this report


This report seems to have finally identified in paper form what every response officer has been saying for some time. And it makes for an interesting read of how the job of a response officer has changed and how we actually feel about things.

It identifies the impact government and management "ideas" have on our job at the bottom of the food chain, how we struggle to resource immediate jobs, how we struggle to keep afloat with the increasing demands from the public, the CPS and the targets that are set by the force.

This is now a bigger thing as the majority of the force is probationers and how this impacts them as the new recruits. How much of a shock it is when people join to do some good in the community to find that its not actually the criminals we are fighting but our own burocracy. How the figures are used and how we are told to do our jobs to increase these figures.

When you could use discretion when needed. And charge if appropriate. Now we are charging / cautioning people for petty offences where there is no complaint. How we are told to issue Penalty Notice For Disorder if someone walks past you in the street and says "FUCK" or is playing about with their mates after a few drinks where no harm is being done and its just drunken horseplay.

It certainly makes for interesting reading.

Mad people and 00 shouts

Well earlies tend to be fairly slow in my neck of the woods. Apart from one shift of 10 hours this week.

Me and my crew mate were going to the local supermarket to collect some stuff at about 8am. First run of the car so it was cold and it was only a mile down the road.

We parked up the car and i switched the engine off, no sooner has the engine stopped as i hear the dreaded 00 shout come across the air. FUCK restart the engine light up the car and start to try and negotiate my way from the car park to the main road. But the car had other ideas, because i had started to move off as the car was powering up, the power steering decided "nope not gonna play" so there i am, blues and 2's going, rock hard steering and a lot of asleep shoppers wandering what the hell is happening. Luckily we got out and the steering came back before the main road.

We start making to the scene where an officer had made the 00 shout. I have cold tyres which offer me limited grip so i resort to some of my advanced driving training (which I'm not supposed to have had!) and begin power sliding the car around roundabouts much to the surprise of members of the public. Luckily it doesn't take too long to get up to heat and all was well.

We are first crew on scene as we were the only car that was out and about. Turns out a male whom is slightly mad didnt want a visit from the council and he charged at the officer whom promptly shut the door on him.

We all turn up and prepare to go into the property, we have a mast team getting kitted up in case of weapons and a shield entry is needed. I got to my car to get my jacket as it was a tad cold and i suddenly hear shouting from the front of the house and also hear the sound of batons racking. I see my guvnor at the front with 2 others and the suspect with a large chunk of metal.

CS deployed by 2 officers, the guvnor gets back spray and promptly cant see anything. The suspect on the other hand had no effects but for some reason he just stood there looking at us, and was as good as gold. He gets nicked and cuffed.

I take hold of his arm and escort him to the van and then i promptly cant see a great deal as i am getting effected by the CS!.

All sorted and i am redeployed to another immediate. Just sorting that and another immediate comes in for assistance again with officers requesting assistance. I may get some lunch as each time i have gone to eat i get redeployed.

All to top it off with another mad man with a knife who thinks the inland revenue wants to nuke his flat.

I was knackered, but loved the jobs and love being busy.

A good day had by all, no officers hurt, no suspects hurt and a nice busy shift.

Could have been soooo much worse. But at least we all know what happens when we need help which is reassuring.